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Goin' on lockdown

Friends! How many of us have them?

The theme of this year has been rebirth. Thus, I have been putting many so-called friendships and relationships under the guillotine and, if I had listened to all the professional advice I'd gotten, I would have done it a long time ago. I recently had to do it again and it's such an empowering feeling. Part of my motivation to do this came after reading this articleCollapse )

I've begun to realize that the majority of my friendships from middle school up until recently have fallen into that category. And it definitely goes both ways. Two people can be equally toxic to each other and not even realize it. A lot of it stems from personal insecurities that spill over into the friendship, and one or both people end up paying an emotional tax for the other person's pain, even if it has nothing to do with them. Talk about the light bulb coming on. I never want to be involved in anything like that again, and that means I'll have to be a little more selective and observant of people before I dub them a friend. People use that term so loosely these days.

Apr. 15th, 2008

It's been a while, so I figured I was due for an update.

I didn't make it to the final cut for Teach for America, and I can't say I'm all that disappointed. It seemed like a really great opportunity, but I honestly think that there were probably a lot of other people that wanted it more than I did and were more deserving of a spot. I believe allmy bricks will be laid into the structure their supposed to be, so I'm not sweating it.

The school year is coming to a close, which means college life is on the way out. I've had tumultuous, but awesome experience here at Temple and graduation will be bittersweet, but I see it as the mark of a new beginning. I've been in the process of shedding a lot of old, soiled skin and I feel like post-college life will bring a breath of fresh air so I can start doing the things I've really been wanting to do.

Mark and I have been discussing marriage more and more seriously. It's always been something that we've talked about, but now that we've been together for over a year and have gotten more emotionally intimate, I feel like it's a definite step that both of us want to take. Not to say that we'll be walking down the aisle this summer, but it will happen one day, and that day may not be that far off. But I can't say anymore about it because only time will tell. I'm just enjoying how great our relationship is going right now.

My internship at Alloy will also be ending come May. I think I've gotten the most out of this internship than any of the others I've had, simply because I feel like I'm doing the same work I'd be doing if I were a full-time employee. I've met a lot of cool people and I'll definitely be keeping in contact with them. I wish the editorial staff wasn't so small, because I'd love to work there after I snagmy degree, but there isn't a spot open at the moment. Oh well, at least I've got an internship with a reputable company on my resume.

I'd better hit the sheets now. That 7:30 alarm comes a lot faster than you think. :/
So many people say that it's so difficult to admit when you're wrong and apologize for it. For me, the hard part isn't apologizing, it's forgiving. Depending on the person and the situation, if you're the transgressor, you're job is to admit you're wrongdoing and abstain from repeating it, and usually you can just move on with your life. But when you're the person that's been wronged, sometimes the ill feelings caused by the transgressor live on even after they've apologized. You have to decide whether, by forgiving their behavior, you're justifying it or truly just moving on from it. Personally, I can remember situations where I've verbally forgiven someone, but still harbored a wealth of resentment for that person inside of me-sometimes for months or even years. This isn't TRULY forgiving someone. And, honestly, by holding onto that resentment, I'm depleting myself of the positive energy I need to move forward with my life.

I read this article somewhere that gave some rather profound advice on how to forgive someone that has hurt you. It said that you should imagine that person as a baby or young child, when they were pure and only craved love and protection. Realize that there was a time when that person was innocent and didn't have a desire to hurt others. It wasn't untll they got older that they began experiencing their own emotional pain at the hands of others that lead them to hurt other people.

The flipside of that is, however, people that hurt others because they have been hurt had the opportunity to turn that pain into something positive. Which makes me realize that, I don't want to become the kind of person that synthesizes all her pain and turns into a bitter, caustic person. I would be promoting a vicious cycle of pain. Wow. I'm really learning a lot.

In other, unrelated news: I made the first cut of the Teach for America application process. Next step is a phone interview on Monday morning. I'm nervous, but I think I'll nail it!


Precisely the word that characterizes my life as of recently. Between classes, work, and interning in NYC twice a week, my plate is full. Ironically, I don't find it draining. While I do find myself getting tired more, I think having so many responsibilties is preparing me for post-college life. I work 16 hours a week at my on-campus job, intern 12 hours a week at Alloy in NYC, and I have three classes which eats up another chunk of my time. I'm actually at Alloy as we speak, transcribing a Natasha Bedingfield interview, but it's hard because my headphones suck and I'm having trouble understanding Natasha's thick British accent. The day goes by pretty fast here though, because I always have stuff to do, and everyone here is so laid-back and welcoming. I have my own desk with my own computer and they're even getting me a nametag. Could this lead to a full-time job after graduation? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

If that doesn't happen, I'm exploring other options. I'm applying to Teach for America. I actually didn't think about it until I got a recruitment letter last week. I did some research about the organization and I really respect what they're trying to do for the American education system. The downside is, the application process is tedious. The online application is due two weeks from now, which I'm already 3/4 of the way through, but I have to write a letter of intent and a 500-word essay. Then, hopefully I'll be invited for a phone interview. After that, I have to send a recommendation letter, and after that, hopefully I'll be invited to the FINAL interview. Then I'll have to wait to see if I get accepted, and hope that it's in one of the three cities I picked to teach in. I would love to be apart of the program and help these kids that are suffering because of the lack of funding in their school districts. It's less individualistic then just getting a full-time job. It's about making a difference in someone's life, no matter how cliche that sounds.

So, I've got a meeting with a recruiter tomorrow morning as sort of a preliminary interview. We'll see how it goes. I better get back to work. This interview isn't going to transcribe itself.
I'm feeling a lot better since my last entry. My roommate broke up with her boyfriend, which was a shock considering they'd been inseparable for over 6 months. Once her boyfriend got an apartment, I never saw her and we barely hung out. Now that they're no more, we've been hanging out as if we've been best friends for years.

We went to see Juno last night at the Ritz. GREAT MOVIE! I really like the soundtrack too and am about to start going on a download spree. I highly recommend it.

Got another job, because Lord knows I need it. Working at the RCC for ten bucks an hour, fifteen hours a week just isn't cutting it. And the fact that my job is only open standard business hours makes it impossible for me to pick up extra hours. I need extra money to make the commute to my internship in NYC next semester.Plus, since it's winter break, my job will be closed through the entire duration. That means no paycheck for a whole month and I can't afford not to have any income for that long. So I just got hired today at the Institute for Survery Research on campus. It's a telephone interviewer position, eight bucks an hour, and they have day, evening, and weekend shifts. I'm pretty much gonna be working there to supplement the income I make from working at the RCC. I have to go pick up my interviewer packet tomorrow, and I start training on the 3rd of January. I've been pretty fortunate that all my jobs since I've been in school have been on-campus, so I don't have to worry about spending money on a commute to another part of the city.

In other news: Me and Mark's sex life has been AMAZING. I feel so lucky to be in a relationship where I never get bored. We're thinking about trying some new things, though I don't care to elaborate on what those new things are at the present moment. All I can say is, I'm excited for what's to come. Ahem..no pun intended. :)

I need to vent.

I'm frustrated with so many people right now.

My dad-Granted, him and I haven't had the most ideal father-daughter relationship. He's been slipping on his child support payments and now is over $2000 in arrears. This is money that my mother could be giving to me and my sister to help with our college living expenses, but dad seems to only want to help out when he feels like it. Then, he forgot my 21st birthday. I understand that he's got a lot on his plate with another baby on the way and all, but how can you possibly let the birthday of your firstborn slip your fucking mind? I called him on my birthday saying "Hey Dad, do you know what day it is?". And after nonchalantly giving me a birthday greeting, he called back later to admit that he had forgotten.

My roommates- They're really nice people and we all get along and all. Hell, Jen even offers to smoke me out and watch DVDs every now and then. But when it comes to paying the bills and keeping house, they absolutely fail. Our electric bill was due October 22nd, and I made them aware of it weeks before. Once the due date came around, it seemed like the only person that had their money was me. Here it is almost two fucking months later and they still haven't forked over their share of the money for the bill. On top of that, Jen has been flaking on the Comcast bill and as a result, our service has been suspended. And she just chalks it up too "Oh, I've forgotten to pay the bill many times before and they never shut off our service". Nicole, who is in charge of the gas bill, still has yet to pay it and who knows how long ago it was due. If they don't get their acts together soon, we'll be living in a cold, dark, Internet-less apartment.

My mom- I love my mom dearly. She has played both mother and father to me and my sister for as long as I can remember and I largely credit her for all of my accomplishments. But she can stress me out too. Lately, everytime I talk with her on the phone, it's about how broke she is, how my father isn't sending money, how she's so glad she divorced Vernon, how she wishes she never married Vernon, blah, blah, blah. She has beaten all of these topics to a bloody death and I'm so fucking sick and tired of hearing about them. I'm her kid, not her spouse or her fucking therapist. And it's not that I don't care, but badmouthing the ex-husband that your children never wanted you to marry in the first place gets old and really annoying.

Sigh...now I feel better.

A long overdue update

I'm becoming quite lazy with keeping my LJ updated, but honestly, senior year has consumed so much of my time that updating my LJ is the last thing I ever really think about. I've been up to my neck in work and internship duties, what with articles to write, exams to study for, and internship interviews to go on. I have an interview tomorrow in NYC with Alloy, which is a HUGE deal. Yes, I know it's all the way in NYC, but I know plenty of people in my classes that make the commute from Philly two or so times a week to intern. That's the place to be if you really want to get into the print media business. So anywho, I'm interviewing for a spring editorial internship with Alloy.com and I'm both nervous and excited. I don't want to be my normal pessimistic self and convince myself that I don't have a chance, so I'm going in with lots of enthusiasm (and lots of nerves).

In other news, Mark and I are getting close to the one-year mark. A couple of weeks ago, we hit a rough patch and I was extremely frustrated. We didn't have sex for about two weeks because I was never in the mood and we started spending less time together because of all the friction. Then, we finally resolved things and it's like we've fallen even deeper in love with each other. Thus, the sex is AMAZING and I have suddenly become insatiable. But I won't get into any inappropriate details. :)

I've also taken up crocheting as a way to help me cope with stress. It's sort of a substitute for smoking weed, which I only do occasionally now instead of regularly. I'm working on a baby blanket for Didge, but since I'm a novice, it's coming along a little slower then I'd like.

I really can't wait for Thanksgiving, the Big 2-1, winter break, and Christmas. My grandma is flying up from Georgia for the holidays, and the house is gonna be packed. I love having all my family around when I go home, which makes me think that our displacement to Easton, PA wasn't such a horrible thing after all.

What kind of Stoner are you?
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You scored as Philosophical Stoner

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Stolen from Alyssa

1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/.
2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
4. Post the top ten results

Interesting results, if I do say so myself!




Special Effects Technician


Foreign Language Instructor


ESL Teacher


Desktop Publisher


Sign Maker


Computer Trainer


Fashion Designer


Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator